feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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