In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
