i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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