just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
