how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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