my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
