sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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