my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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