I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
