So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
