I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
