booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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