im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
