I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
