Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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