I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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