Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
