Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
