My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
