I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
