Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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