Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
