3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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