I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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