is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
