she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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