the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
