So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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