forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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