His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
