she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
