as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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