If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
