I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
