No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
