i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize