My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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