Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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