He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
