I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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