Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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