I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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