Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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