i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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