I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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