Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
