There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
