Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
