I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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