Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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