Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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