I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
