so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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