Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
