i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
