If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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