If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
