Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
