I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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