yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
