I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
