Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
