I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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