You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
